My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
