the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
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