I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
