I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
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