dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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