the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
The adults are the big ones right?
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
