I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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