saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
