I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Randomize
