Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
