I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I just gargled with NyQuil
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize