I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Can you bring me the toilet please
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
