Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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