I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I fill condoms, not promises.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
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