i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
