I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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