You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
