i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Randomize
