so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
You smell like stripper and shame
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
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