make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
