I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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