A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
no more duck duck goose at the bar
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
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