Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
