Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize
