well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Randomize
