Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
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