Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize