oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize
