i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Randomize
