If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
