Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize