You're so nebulous sometimes
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
