My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Randomize
