He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
