This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
I will be naked everywhere
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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