I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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