I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Randomize
