I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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