he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize