Yo dont text me then not text me
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
