Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
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