This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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