My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
