Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
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