blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
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