Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Randomize
