i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
