have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Randomize
