had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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