I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
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