Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
