when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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