he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
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