and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
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