he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
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