I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
