my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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