I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
