I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
