I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Randomize
