Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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