also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Someone signed my nipple.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
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