got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
