mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
