Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
You ever have a fart follow you around?
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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