dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
