oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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