I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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