i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
