Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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