yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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